Finally Moved!

With one dramatic day of moving in, I finally settled my things in LA! I'll be calling Downtown home for a while. Hopefully this leads me to many open doors, people, and give me a deeper love to serve. Have to say this is a dream come true. And that's hard to say... only because you dream so many things as a child, but to have an adult dream actually unfold before your eyes, its... amazing. If that makes any sense at all.. like owning a home, or finding the right person... this was one of the smaller dreams I've always wanted to see happen, but never knew if it was for me. I'm hoping I made the right choice because at this point, I would hate to turn back now ;)

Grad school starts- Aug 25!

Hello Summer

I've never felt so... free... Free for three months at least and know that there's only work ahead. This is the first time I can say, I really don't know what to expect. Each letter from Mount Mary's is just another step towards orientation day... and yet I still have no clue what to expect. Undergrad is definitely over that's for sure. I just finished my last prereq classes at Cal Fullerton. I have to admit, I really liked that school... the end part of it. I'm in a good place in life.... relieved, refreshed, and happy. I think I've realized how young I am in comparison to my dreams. I've always pictured myself with a job and a family, but I've now noticed that my dreams don't go too far beyond that. Those dreams seem to get pushed back and aren't in accordance to my own timeline. At the same time, they aren't my priority anymore. I would love to see myself as a mother one day, but I can't picture me with a teenager if that makes any sense. I can only see certain parts of my life happening. I think I like that. I like not knowing too much about my future and knowing that uncertainty just means opportunity.

A few things I'd like to do this summer:

SF trip - maybe

Get things for my apartment without going overboard

NY to end my summer.

Enjoy the beach as much as possible

Spend time with my parents, because I'm actually loving the time we spend together

Workout on a regular basis

Read the books I probably won't get to read in the next 3 years

-Lets see if I can get 2 of those at least :D

God is good... faithful... and enough.

A time for change.

As long as I dont screw things up... it looks like I'm going into grad school. I guess it didn't hit  me. Still hasn't hit me. I found an apartment... Finally! Let me just say that I love my parents, but searching for apartments with them was a hard deal. They are funny and silly, and so just out there sometimes- Good memories. I am bonding with my mommy more now too- I made her do weights and it was hilarious. I also took her out for Coldstones for the first time. 

 Anyway. Moving on I guess  Praise God.

Elated

Noting this to myself:

I feel so joyous right now!!! Yet- really calm at the same time. I've just been accepted to physical therapy school and it seems like a long road. Two years into college when I finally decide that I wanted to become a pt. That same year I meet  Bessie from Noah's place, volunteer at her clinic, find my first job with her husband, find my second job - having my second boss come from New Song as well, graduate, find another job working with older adults, take my gre's, apply *4 years in waiting- working on finishing my prereqs and units*.... wait.... and today @ 2:45 PM, Mount St. Mary's calls. 5 years of schooling finally making the biggest difference in my life.

I just wanted to remember how long this road was- knowing that it will only get harder in the future. Getting into undergrad wasn't really a decision, just another step out of college. But getting my doctorate was something I never really planned on. This is the first time I'm really stepping out and doing something towards my career, having it be my choice, and hopefully doing it for God. That's really all it comes down to. I started losing hope a few months ago because I felt like I would never get a job with my BS in health developement. I started thinking.. 5 years in college... and waiting. The thought occured that I might not ever get in and how I wasted my life getting units, wasting time, when I could have been working towards something else. It really feels like God has a plan for me now... something more direct...... something with a purpose that even I can understand. I FEEL ELATED! I FEEL RELIEVED! I AM IN DISBELIEF! and... I feel very loved by family, friends, and God.

I have many things to be grateful for. Perhaps- the biggest of them all is God giving a sinner like me a chance to make a difference.

I am- grateful.

((Dinner @ Wood Ranch with family, including my brother and close friends, tonight was the best way to celebrate- TOASTING **cheers** and a broken glass with water all over my table and self.... best memories I could ever ask for.)) Thanks for the support.

True Blogging

I admit that 2007 year ... was probably the worst year of my life so far. I think I can admit that and look back to say that there was good in the end. My life was so self centered. I was so depressed about how my own life was going, I failed to see everyone else's struggles. The year alone had many loses in terms of relationships and bonds. I believe that life is about learning to let go, relearn, and explore. 2007 was definitely that. Now, in 2008 I am still challenged with the idea of being self centered. I felt ashamed for crying so much in the past about my own struggles and felt guilty for not serving as much due to the tears. After talking to my old youth pastor, he explained to me that God understands our brokenness. In those times that we mourn or cry, the Lord has many other servants to help those in need. ---So basic... but it made me feel so much better. The Lord tended to me while I was crying, even though I could not see so clearly. At times, I find myself crying over my old brokenness, even though currently I am very happy. It is a strange sensation and I can't really explain it. It is as if I'm reliving whatever pain I went through in the past. My pastor was watching me the whole time and asked me if I thought that God might be revealing something to me in my times of brokenness. And although he saw the pain, if I were willing to continue the process if it meant getting closer to God. And for the first time, within the hour we talked, a smile came over my face.

I would go through these tears so many times over if I could see the Lord more clearly.

Strange. But through all the tears and reliving whatever pain, that the thought of knowing God more would genuinely bring a smile to my face. I can't explain it, but there was true joy in the thought of just being closer to God. Funny thing is. That's how my year ended. There was so much cloudiness and pain. But as soon as I gave it over to God, there was immediate joy that followed--- immediate as in a few weeks after. I guess, I just wanted to share the experience. That amongst heavy tears, there is something that can ease the worries of the heart, if we just believe in someone great than ourselves.

I don't really know why I post. I think its just an outlet. But whatever the case. I hope that made sense. There's just a joy I wanted to share that does not come from material things. And I experienced it, even for the briefest of moments.

Its nice to be at peace with yourself once and a while -actually noting that it does happen every so often.